September 9, 2019 - Chemo Day!
First things first, the Pity Party is over!! Boy, was it boring! I don't know why I went. It certainly is not my type of party. I'm so glad it is over.
Now, as I sit in the Atlanta Cancer Center receiving my first dose of chemotherapy, I am struck by how lucky I am. I am filled with gratitude. I know that may sound strange, but receiving chemotherapy naturally makes you grateful.
The Infusion Room in itself will give even the strongest man pause. Imagine a very large clinical room, which houses chairs for cancer patients to receive chemo. There are 25+ chairs in this room. The chairs are comfortable, but clinical. The chairs are not empty. The chairs are not empty. There a so many people fighting cancer. I am only here every other Monday. These chairs are occupied every day, every week, every month, every year.
I am grateful that Jamie is here with me. There are many people receiving their infusions alone. I am grateful that I am not alone, and that I have a loving husband who has stepped up in the most unimaginable ways to support me. As I receive my first treatment, he sits here with me in support. He is concerned. I can see it on his face. He may not speak it, but I know he is worried. I wish I could take the worry from him. He has been so selfless. I do not deserve him, but I certainly won't part with him. There is a commonly known loving joke about Jamie. "He must be a saint to be married to Renee". He surely is a saint. He proves it daily.
I am grateful for the gentle, loving, caring nurses who work in this center. They have been extraordinary. Each patient is treated with such empathy and kindness. For this being one of the most dreary places, the nurses certainly brighten it up.
I am grateful for our loving friends who have taken care of Mason while we have to be in Atlanta. We have a village of the most wonderful people who love Mason as their own. As a mother, I could not ask anything more.
I am grateful for my family who want to take this pain and disease away from me. It is not possible. However, their love and support makes this situation bearable.
I am grateful for all of my friends who read my thoughts, offer up comments, and just check-in. I cherish all of you. I am especially grateful for a dear friend from Napa who came by the Atlanta Cancer Center this morning to offer encouragement and hugs. Unfortunately, she knows this path all too well. It was very comforting to see, speak, and hug her.
So as I sit here taking chemotherapy, watching the Red Devil drip into my veins, I am grateful that I will get better. This medicine is vicious, but that what it takes to fight this nasty disease.
The path that I find myself on is a detour, but it will not change my destination.