June 24, 2021 - Periscope Down
Yes. Yes. Yes. I am painfully aware how absent I have been from writing. This is officially the longest stretch of time that has gone by without me putting pen to paper and letting the emotions flow. I have been “periscope down”.
And I have learned that it does matter. My well being needs this outlet, probably more than my family and friends want to hear an update on my health.
The last month has been busy. I’ve been busy with work, Mason completed 5th grade, summer camp, Scouting merit badges, 2 quick visits to 30A, visits with my brother, my birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, oh – and doctor visits, injections, and let's not
forget my PET Scan from earlier in June.
I should be ecstatic. The PET Scan came back clean. There was No Evidence of Advanced Disease below my neck. I am so very thankful. But why am I so “meh”? The scanxiety that comes every 3rd (Brain MRI) and 4th (PET scan) month is increasing. You would think that it would get easier. It doesn’t. I’m waiting on the proverbial “Shoe to Drop”. My next Brain MRI is in early August. So we wait.
Metastatic Breast Cancer does not have a cure. My only hope is to stay scan free for as long as possible. As soon as progression is noted, a new chemo cocktail may be prescribed. For now, all I can do is continue down the current chemo med path and hope and pray for clean scans.
I am all for Positive Attitude and the power of prayer, but sometimes it is too much. The burden, the weight of this diagnosis lingers. To be honest and raw, this month has been a downer for me. There is not one specific moment or event to blame. I think it is just the gravity of the situation.
And as I type, I feel the weight lifting. This is a reminder to myself that I need to write. I need to speak words on a page for Mason so that he can read them years later. One day, he will peruse this journal and know that all of this is for him. He is my purpose. I love him dearly.
I do have some exciting news. Well, it is exciting for me in a self-indulgent, narcissistic way. CaringBridge has been a great vehicle for me, but it also feels very sterile in a “I’m sick, and here are my updates from the hospital” sort of way. The platform has been perfect for keeping loved ones informed, but I think I am ready for the next step.
I have migrated my content over to my own website. You can find future updates and news at www.reneekranking.com. My site is Moments Matter: Thriving with Metastatic Breast Cancer.
In the interim, I will continue to dual post on both CaringBridge and my own website. However, I expect to be fully transitioned by the end of July. Also, I will keep CaringBridge open and around. It is a place for Jamie to provide updates. In the very distant future, when I find myself needing Jamie to provide updates, he can and will do so on CaringBridge.
In all seriousness, in addition to reaching friends and family, I hope to add comfort to others who are dealing with MBC (metastatic breast cancer). It can be a lonely place.
So, go check out www.Reneekranking.com. You can also subscribe to my site to receive notifications when I add a new entry. Your inbox won’t be cluttered as people comment. And, I won’t market to you! I do welcome your feedback! This is new territory for me – I’m going global, LOL! And, with this new platform, the periscope is rising!