July 22, 2020 - If Only I Had a Brain...

Where to begin...

I’ve been meaning to write for some time.

Truthfully, the Anastrozole was starting to cause havoc to my body. In fact, my doc took me off of it last week to give my body a break.

We knew my next appointment and Pet Scan were this week. The timing was perfect to discuss a change in meds.

The side effects were unbearable. Joint pain, hot flashes, and the headaches.

Truthfully, the headaches didn’t start until about 2 weeks ago. I just knew they were another side effect. But what do I know?

Let me take you back to yesterday. Jamie and Mason dropped me off at the hospital for a PET scan. Other than the nurse having to stick me 3 times to find a vein, it was uneventful. After the scan, I was pretty wiped out. I spent the remainder of the day sleeping at the hotel.

Today began with much promise. I had my visit with my oncologist. My PET scan looked good. We discussed the side effects of Anastrozole and agreed to pause and change the meds. She was much more suspicious of the headaches. In an extreme abundance of caution, she wanted me to have a brain MRI. Yes, it is as scary as it sounds.

So, off I want to imaging. When I was done, I called Jamie. But wait....they didn’t want me to leave until the radiologist spoke to my doctor. There was a finding.

My oncologist called and said go straight to the emergency room. Do not pass Go. Apparently, I have a brain tumor at the base of my brain.

Woah! That was a sentence that I never expected to write. I am in the ER at Northside awaiting a room. I will be admitted and have brain surgery on Friday morning to remove the tumor. My neurosurgeon wants me on steroids tonight and tomorrow to reduce the swelling. Brain surgery. It is hard to wrap my brain around those words. No pun intended.

For the curious, it is most likely a spread from breast cancer. It has metastasized in my brain. According to my neurosurgeon, it is a good tumor to have. Silver linings.

On the bright side, I’m Covid negative. So, I have that going for me! In all seriousness, the Covid test, while unpleasant, was NOT that bad.

As I sit here and write, I am alone. My dearest Jamie and Mason are sitting in the truck in the parking lot. Thanks to Covid, they are not allowed in the ER. I am hopeful to see them when I am in a room, but no one has confirmed. I can’t imagine not seeing, holding, or touching them before surgery. My heart is breaking.

Mason. I have a chapter planned for you, but it cannot wait. You have been so brave and strong this past year. No child should have to go through the uncertainty of a parent with cancer. Your tender heart is so loving and giving to me. You never complained. In my darkest days, you brought me light. You fill my heart with love.

As you sit in the hospital parking lot with Daddy, please know that I love you very much. You are the best thing to happen to me. Being your mother is my greatest accomplishment. I could not have asked for a more perfect son. I could not have asked for a more perfect husband and Daddy for you.

To all, my Apologies for the sporadic and jumbled thoughts, I am writing this on my iPhone. My emotions are all over the place. If I am able I will write again tomorrow. I will have Jamie post am update after surgery.

Hug your family a little tighter. I wish I had given Mason one last big hug and a kiss before I entered the ER. I wish...