Life, in its unpredictable rhythm, has woven in some tender threads of farewell. Today, I’m sharing about two extraordinary women who’ve recently transitioned to a brighter place, not to dwell in sorrow, but to honor the vibrant light they shared with me and so many others. Their stories remind us that even in the face of challenges, joy prevails, laughter echoes, and love endures. Devastating as their departures feel, I want to focus on the love they brought.

When my own path veered onto the cancer journey, I found myself in the company of two incredible friends already navigating their own versions of this uninvited adventure. We didn’t choose the guest list, but oh, how we made the most of the party. Each with our unique playlist, yet bonded by resilience, stubbornness, and positivity.

First, there’s Jenn, our Napa Valley gem. We met her around 1998 while she was managing one of our favorite wineries, and from that day forward, our friendship blossomed like the finest vines. We stayed connected, visiting at least three times a year for many joyful seasons. Around 2007 or 2008, we learned of her ovarian cancer diagnosis. Stage 4 Cancer Sucks. Yet, Jenn turned it into a masterclass in positivity and zest. For nearly 20 years, she fought with grace, always uplifting those around her. I cherish the memory of introducing our son Mason to her when he was just four months old during a 2010 Napa trip. From then on, whenever we’d plan a visit, Mason’s excited first question was always, “Are we going to see Miss Jenn?” And the answer? Always a resounding YES!

Ironically, she moved back to Georgia right around the time of my own diagnosis. She made time to sit with me during chemo infusions, giving me advice, and wrapping me in her signature tight hugs. Jenn left this earth and danced into her next chapter on February 8th of this year, leaving behind a legacy of unbreakable spirit and endless warmth. You will be missed, my friend!

Then there’s sweet, unstoppable Marian. A true force of love and compassion. We became fast friends when she married our dear friend Bill in April 2006. From the moment we met, she infused our world with her infectious laugh that I can still hear this very moment. We shared unforgettable vacations, heartfelt gatherings, and so much goodness. She and Bill were among the first to come to the hospital after Mason’s birth, beaming with joy as they held him. Even through the years, their influence has been a steady, positive anchor in our lives. When colon cancer entered the picture. Marian met it head on. For over 11 years, she never lost her drive or willingness to beat it. If one treatment path failed, she’d leap to the next, embracing trials and innovations with an adventurous heart, even when it tested her limits. Stage 4 Cancer Sucks. Complaints? Never. Instead, she radiated positivity and that unwavering zest for life. Marian stepped into her eternal light on March 1st, just yesterday, and I know she’s already spreading her compassion far and wide. You will be missed, my friend!

We’ve all felt the sting of losing loved ones to cancer, and saying goodbye to these two amazing women so close together is heart wrenching. It’s raw and feels profoundly unfair in the moment. But here’s the joyous truth: They’re free now, in a place of pure peace. We may have lost them on this earth, but we have gained beautiful angels watching over us. Their lives weren’t defined by the battle; they were illuminated by the love they gave and the joy they sparked in everyone lucky enough to know them. It makes me smile to think of Jenn, Marian, Jackie, and Miss Margaret (my beloved mother) sitting around together laughing and free.

And to add a bright light that would make both Jenn and Marian proud, we celebrated Mason’s Court of Honor on February 21st. As I shared in my last post, he officially achieved Eagle in November, but this ceremony honored that accomplishment with all the fanfare. He received his Eagle neckerchief, medal, patch, and certificate. My proudest moment was listening to him give a speech to the large crowd that gathered. He refused my help, insisting on doing it on his own. I must admit, I was a bit nervous. But that nervousness proved unfounded. He delivered the most wonderful speech. Jamie and I are so proud; there aren’t enough words to convey how we feel. We can’t wait to see what life has in store for him. But we’re very aware that it’s people like Jenn and Marian who helped shape him. Being surrounded by the best people, the best friends, and the best love, Jamie and I are forever grateful.

Moments like these? They matter because they teach us to cherish the light in each day. Let’s raise a glass to Jenn, Marian, and Mason. May their stories inspire you to embrace your own with that same vibrant energy. Make every moment count!

With gratitude and light,
Renee

Last night, our son, Mason Kranking, concluded a remarkable 10-year Scouting journey by successfully passing his Board of Review, earning the prestigious rank of Eagle Scout. His official Court of Honor is coming soon. The Court of Honor is the official ceremony which he will be recognized and celebrated publicly.

Mason’s Scouting path began in 2016 as a Cub Scout, where he progressed through all ranks to earn the Arrow of Light. He transitioned to a Boy Scout in February 2021, advancing steadily through Tenderfoot, Second Class, First Class, Star, and Life, culminating in this celebrated achievement.

Over the years, he has amassed an impressive record:

• 80 Merit Badges

• 115 Camping Nights

• 114 Community Service Hours

• Over 174 Hiking Miles

He also received notable awards:

· 50 Miler Award, National Outdoor Achievement Award for Camping

· National Outdoor Award for Conservation

· National Outdoor Award for Hiking

· The World Conservation Award

· Snorkeling Award.

His leadership shone through in roles such as Quartermaster, Instructor, Assistant Senior Patrol Leader (twice), Senior Patrol Leader, and Order of Arrow Unit Representative (twice).

He also experienced High Adventure Camps which included trips to Philmont Scout Ranch and Northern Tier.

For his Eagle Scout Project, Mason constructed a 9-hole Frisbee Disc Golf Course at Ponte Vedra High School, showcasing his commitment to community impact. This involved managing a month long project that included managing 9 adults and 10 scouts who assisted.

Achieving the rank of Eagle Scout is a rare honor, attained by only about 6% of Scouts. It demands years of dedication, determination, and a steadfast commitment to leadership, character, and service. Eagle Scouts embody values like trustworthiness, loyalty, kindness, and bravery, all of which Mason has demonstrated uniquely.

As parents, witnessing Mason’s growth through this journey has been one of our life’s greatest joys. His hard work, leadership, and resilience, even amid challenges, have been inspiring. Words like “proud” fall short. We are beyond proud, deeply grateful, and truly inspired by the remarkable young man he has become. We can’t wait to see our Eagle soar, and soar he will!

My Cancer Journey

Living with cancer is a rhythm of routines and resilience. Every three weeks, I visit Mayo Clinic for blood work and an injection that keeps my treatment on track. Every four months, I face the hum of PET scans to check my body and MRIs to monitor my brain. Each day, I swallow a handful of cancer and nausea medications, a quiet ritual to keep my life as steady as possible. These 466 days have largely been stable, a gift I don’t take for granted.

In February 2025, a PET scan brought a jolt of fear when it detected metabolic metastatic activity in my left femur. My oncologist, ever vigilant, scheduled a follow-up scan three months later to watch for any growth or tumor development. By God’s grace, the results showed stability—no changes, no progression. The activity remains in my bone marrow, but it’s holding steady. (These are my words, my layperson’s understanding, not a doctor’s diagnosis.) I’m still here, still fighting, and deeply grateful for every day.

Mason’s Milestones

My son, Mason, is now a sophomore in high school. Time has slipped by so quickly. He was just in fifth grade when he first grappled with the news of my cancer, facing uncertainties no child should have to bear. Yet, he’s navigated our new normal with remarkable kindness and grace. I’m endlessly proud of him.

Mason’s Scouting journey is reaching a pinnacle. He’s on the cusp of earning his Eagle Scout rank, having completed his Eagle Scout project this summer. He’s now tying up loose ends and preparing to present his work to the Regional Scouting Council this fall. He’s eager, ready, and we couldn’t be prouder of his dedication.

This summer, Mason also embarked on another High Adventure Camp with his Scout troop, portaging along the Canadian border in Minnesota for ten unforgettable days. He returned stronger, wiser, and richer in experience, carrying stories of adventure and growth, not to mention a thousand mosquito bites!

Jamie’s Success

Jamie’s Medicare business is flourishing. He’s welcomed many new clients and continues to find deep fulfillment in helping others, a joy he never found in the corporate world. His gift for connection and care shines brightly, and I’m so happy for his success. We also celebrated a milestone birthday of his, one can guess, but let’s just say it was worth celebrating! A group of friends and their spouses joined us for a weekend getaway filled with laughter and memories. Jamie deserved every moment of it, and we made unforgettable memories together.

The Hard Stuff

Why the 466-day gap? I’ve been wrestling with a heavy heart. I’ve had a painful falling out with my brother, and we haven’t seen each other in two years. Our last phone call was in the summer of 2024. Without sharing the raw details, the loss feels like a kind of death. I hope with all my heart that he’s found happiness, though my gut aches with doubt. My late sister-in-law, Jackie, would be heartbroken to know this. Losing such a vital part of my family has been devastating, and it’s taken me time to find the strength to share this publicly.

The Bright Spots

Despite the pain, I’m surrounded by love that anchors me. Jamie, Mason, and an incredible circle of girlfriends form a support system that feels like a lifeline. I feel so fortunate to have such close friends at this stage of life, many of whom have entered my world in the last five years. Their presence is nothing short of a blessing.

Looking Ahead

As we step into fall, I’m committing to being a more consistent voice for you, my readers. I’ll show up, share more, and do better. Can’t we all? Thank you for staying with me through the silence and for walking alongside me on this journey.

Mason recently returned from a grand adventure: a scout camping trip at Philmont Scout Ranch. If you’re unfamiliar with Philmont, let me paint the picture. Their website describes it as “the Boy Scouts of America’s premier High Adventure™ base,” a sprawling 214-square-mile expanse of rugged northern New Mexico wilderness. It’s a place where Scouts and Venturers tackle backpacking treks, horseback rides, and service projects, immersing themselves in a landscape that’s as beautiful as it is unforgiving. To them, it’s legendary country. To me, his mother, it was a daunting unknown—a place that would swallow my boy whole for ten days and spit him back out, hopefully in one piece.

I knew it would be hard. Not just for him, but for me. The packing list alone was enough to make my head spin. This wasn’t some school field trip with a lunchbox and a water bottle. Mason had to strap on a full hiking backpack—not the kind he slings over one shoulder for class, but a serious, survival-grade pack. Inside went his sleeping bag, a tent, MRE meals (those military-style “meals ready to eat” that sound more like a dare than dinner), two sets of clothes, a first aid kit, a compass, his epi-pen, and a dozen other “etcetera’s” that blurred together in my anxious mind. This was a pack designed to keep him alive in the wilderness for days. DAYS. And here’s the kicker: he was going without Jamie, his father. Yes, he had a small group of boys from his troop and two dads tagging along as chaperones, but still… no Jamie, no me. Just Mason and the wild.

Those ten days at Philmont were a whirlwind of challenges and triumphs. He hiked mile after grueling mile, his boots pounding trails that climbed thousands of feet in elevation. He white-water rafted, feeling the rush of icy rapids. He zip-lined through the treetops, fly-fished in crisp mountain streams (even catching a rainbow trout he couldn’t stop talking about), and pitched in on service projects to give back to the camp. I’m sure I’m leaving out half of it—my recounting doesn’t do justice to the sheer scope of what he experienced. He lived a lifetime in those ten days, and I could only piece it together from the stories he brought home.

The truth is, I spent those days in a quiet panic. Every creak of the house at night became a signal that something was wrong. Every unanswered “what if” spiraled into a worst-case scenario. What if he got hurt? What if he needed me? What if his epi-pen wasn’t enough? But as the days ticked by, I clung to the thought that this was bigger than my fears. This was about Mason stepping into his own.

When he finally came home, he was different. He’d dropped six pounds—his face a little leaner, his frame a little wirier—but what he’d gained far outweighed the loss. Confidence radiated from him, a quiet strength I hadn’t seen before. At fourteen, he’s a new teen, no longer the little boy who’d cling to my hand, but not yet the man I know he’ll become. Philmont didn’t just test him; it shaped him. It taught him resilience, resourcefulness, and a kind of maturity that sneaks up on you when you’re too busy surviving to notice.

For Mason, those ten days were an unforgettable adventure, a treasure he’ll carry forever. For me, they were a lesson in letting go—just enough to let him grow. We survived June, yes, but more than that, we thrived. And as he stands on the cusp of high school and his Eagle Scout ceremony, I can’t help but think: the wilderness didn’t just give him a story to tell—it gave him a piece of the man he’s meant to be.

While Mason was away, Jamie and I seized the chance to catch our breath. We decided to treat ourselves to a mini-staycation—nothing extravagant, just a quiet escape from the everyday grind. It wasn’t until we sank into it that we realized how desperately we’d needed the break. The days stretched out lazily before us, a welcome reprieve from the usual chaos, and best of all, it kept my mind from wandering too often to Mason’s absence.

During that time, I also had a brain scan scheduled. We held our breath waiting for the results, but when they came back stable—no progression—we let out a collective sigh of relief. Once again, I found myself whispering thanks for the chemo cocktail that’s become my daily companion. Tukysa stands guard over my brain, holding the cancer at bay, while Xeloda and Herceptin wage their quiet war against the disease in my other organs. It’s not a perfect system, but it’s working for now, and that’s more than enough. My next big hurdle is a PET scan in early August. I’m clinging to hope that the positive trend holds steady. Sure, my cancer marker numbers have ticked up a bit lately, but not enough to send us into a panic. For now, we’re just staying the course—keeping on, doing what we’ve been doing.

In the midst of all this, we’ve got something exciting on the horizon: an epic family vacation. I’m determined to soak up every second I can with Jamie and Mason, to stitch together as many memories as possible while I’m still able. We’ve planned it down to the last detail, slotting it perfectly between my Mayo Clinic visits. Our trips aren’t what they used to be—there’s a slower pace now, a rhythm dictated by deliberate medication management and a checklist of must-haves. It takes a lot of coordination, but it’s worth it. Jamie and Mason have become pros at keeping an eye on me, making sure I’m okay without making it feel like a chore. And, of course, we’ve got the nearest bathroom locations mapped out like seasoned explorers. It’s our little family ritual at this point.

Can you believe how fast this summer is slipping through our fingers? The days sometimes drag, heavy with appointments and the weight of what-ifs, but the months? They’re a blur. I catch myself staring at the calendar, marveling at how time bends and stretches in ways I never expected. Through it all, I’m humbled—grateful beyond words for the life I’ve been given. Yes, there’s an asterisk by my name now—cancer patient—but it doesn’t define the whole story. I’m blessed beyond measure, surrounded by love and buoyed by faith. And that, more than anything, keeps me going.

Love to you all.

In 2019, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The very thing that caused me to start this blog: In the Beginning

I was officially diagnosed on May 21, 2019, but I will never forget the days leading up to it. Let’s go back, shall we??

It was Thursday, May 9, 2019. It was my 50th birthday, which I was celebrating at a work conference in Orlando. It wasn’t all bad, as our entertainment for the customer event was Lady Gaga. I had primo seats and enjoyed a fun dinner with girlfriends, then finished the night out belting Shallow and Bad Romance! For being away on my birthday, the celebration was epic!

I flew home to my boys on Friday and we had a fun weekend which lead to Sunday, May 12th, Mother’s Day! My boys did an awesome job of spoiling me on that day. On Sunday night, after Mason was in bed, Jamie and I watched an episode of Game of Thrones. I have to admit, that show wasn’t really my jam, so as the scenes are rolling, I’m a little bored. I just happened to rub my chest and felt this noticeably hard lump that was not ordinary, nor was it supposed to be there. I waited until the show was over, but immediately went to Jamie and asked him to feel it. His first reaction was, “what the hell is that?” My heart began to sink. It was Sunday night, and there was nothing to “do” at that point.

There was nothing to do except worry. Read too much Dr. Google and fret.

On Monday AM, I was back on a plane flying down to Naples for a customer meeting. I did not have a “breast care doctor” where we lived. Unfortunately, healthcare is not very robust in the tiny beach town that we once called home. So, as I was connecting in the ATL airport I used the time to call Breast Care Specialists of Atlanta. They were my doctors when we lived in Atlanta. They still had my records, and once I told them what I felt, they scheduled me an appointment on Tuesday, May 21st. The time between May 12th and May 21st sludged on. Time hardly moved. I was so anxious to go to the doctor, but all I could do was wait. Finally, Tuesday May 21st arrived.

Breast Care Specialists do it all. They run all of the diagnostics (mammograms, sonograms, biopsies, etc.). They knew the biopsy would be cancerous. They prepared me well. May 21st, the day my life changed, the day I was officially told I had breast cancer.

Why all the history? Well the days of the calendar lined up this year. My 55th birthday was Thursday, May 9th and Mother’s Day was on May 12th. The timing brought everything back.

For those of you who have read my blog from the beginning, you know that my cancer metastasized to my brain in July 2020. I had an emergency craniotomy and have been in treatment with chemotherapy and targeted therapy infusions ever since.

Ever since? It’s been 5 years! (4 years since I was diagnosed with Stage IV, but 5 years since Stage III). This is BEYOND a miracle. I have never been one to live my life by statistics, but according to an abstract, “The median overall survival for all patients was 45.6 months. The median time from the diagnosis of breast cancer to the occurrence of brain metastasis was 29.7 months, and the median survival time after brain metastasis was 7.2 months.”1

I have beat the statistics! My hope is that I keep crushing it. My next Brain MRI is in June and my next full PET scan is in August. I pray the results keep proving my Chemo cocktail is working! The side effects are not pleasant, but dang, it is keeping me alive! I’m in for it.

This week was super special. We had friends from Chicago and Atlanta visit. Mason was confirmed on my 55th birthday, Thursday May 9th. I was thankful that my tribe of girlfriends gifted me with a birthday pool party filled with love and laughter on the 10th. And then on Sunday the 12th, my boys spoiled me with brunch and lots of love for Mother’s Day. My heart is full.

Yes! Even with a Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC) diagnosis looming in the background, I know that others are suffering far greater than I am at this point in my life. I have friends that are fighting Stage 4 Cancer that are moving to line of treatment 6 because line of treatment 5 has now stopped working. Or, they are looking for a new clinical trial with the hopes of finding yet another arrow in their quiver to fight back cancer progression. I am almost ashamed to be on my second line of treatment - and have been since 2020. It makes me think of survivors guilt. Why is my cancer remaining stable, when so many others are fighting progression - sometimes progression with aggression. It’s hard to think about.

Which is a bad segue into my post update. Maybe this is the reason I’ve been avoiding the mighty pen. So, here we go…. The last few months have been filled with the holidays and my normal Mayo visits and scans. I am happy to report that I received good news with my scans. All is stable. My docs are encouraging me to keep on doing what I’m doing! Stay on this line of treatment because, by golly, it is working!

My wounds from my surgery have healed, but I am still dealing with limited mobility on the left side. I am working on my range of motion, but I can’t lift my left arm very high. My friends tease me about my T-Rex arms.

I am still fighting the bouts of side effects contributed to my chemo cocktail that I take. Most bouts are daily and expected - meaning I can normally plan for them which helps me manage my life. Every now and then, I get hit with a doozy without a map - such as this past weekend.

TMI warning! I was literally up for 48 hours with gastric issues on the hour, if not more frequent. This time it brought along sever abdominal cramping, which I don’t normally have. I had to take my “strong” diarrhea (TMI) medicine, which makes me sleepy, nauseas and loopy. It does help with the cramping, but that is about all.

To add to my lovely weekend, I was plagued with severe leg cramps. I’m sure the extra dehydration did not help. Side note: When I’m in this state, I drink a ton of fluids to try to counter the dehydration, but this time I couldn’t get ahead of it. I’m not how much I have shared about my leg cramps, but they are legendary. When it happens, and it happens often primarily during the night, my feet curl, my toes curl, and I get the worst cramps on the TOP of my calf. Sometimes they strike in the back of the thigh or calf, but mostly they are on the top part of the calf and foot. They are so painful. I have talked to my docs and there really isn’t anything to do for them, except…..wait for it……Pickle Juice!

Yes, if you aren’t aware, pickle juice helps with leg cramps. In fact, many long distance runners can attest to this. I usually take 1 shot a night before I go to bed, but this weekend I needed a lot more. I promise, if you are in the throws of leg cramps, as soon as you drink that pickle juice, you will find relief. Thank goodness that I loooovvvveee pickles! And no, I’m not robbing the brine from pickles in the fridge. You can actually buy pickle juice by the half gallon. You can find it in the vinegar aisle of your local supermarket. It has many uses, such as leg cramps, but you can also use it as a delicious brine for your chicken. Sigh….I digress.

This post has been topys turvy. Let me end on a high note. Because I missed it and missed you…….Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Valentine’s Day, and Happy Birthday to Jamie and all of my friends who celebrated any milestone!

Mason is doing very well. He is a rising 9th grader as he navigates that last few months of 8th grade. He is growing tall! He 5’8”, which means he is towering over me. He is very involved in Scouting. He will begin working on his Eagle project this summer to achieve his Eagle Scout ranking. His Dad and I are very proud!!

And I can’t end this post without gushing about how proud I am of Jamie. He took the giant leap of leaving corporate America and started his own business. He now spends his time working with people helping them navigate Medicare and all of the confusion it can bring. He said it has been the most rewarding work because he is actually helping people and making a positive impact to their lives. I shared details in this post https://www.reneekranking.com/p/exciting-yet-scary-news-yet-very in case you are interested. Shameful, I know.

My pledge is to do better with the frequency of my posts. Many of you have reached out to check-in on me, and for that I am grateful! I do know one thing, the moment things start going South, I will writing about it. It’s the only way I know how to navigate this topsy turvy life!

Oh! And Happy Leap Year!

It has been a long Fall that is now racing into Winter. My last post was full of woe and me lamenting about my incisions not healing. Well, it is true - Time Heals All Wounds.

My wounds are finally healed. Actually, they finally healed the first week of November. I have been freed from bandages, gauze, ointments, and anything else that would miraculously heal those incisions. I can wear normal clothes again. I am almost back to normal.

I still have mobility issues with my left arm. I can’t extend my left arm nearly as far as my right. When I was waiting on my incisions to heal, I had limited mobility….and I still have limited mobility. My family and friends lovingly refer to it as my T-Rex arms.

I’m just glad that Jamie and Mason are taller than me - I need them to reach things in our kitchen cabinets that I can only longingly stare. It doesn’t help that I am a short person, but it takes it to a new level when your arms can’t reach. This too will pass. I’m working on it and will soon start proper physical therapy. Again - it’s a time thing - Time Heals All Wounds.

It’s a wonderful thing to be a patient at Mayo until it’s not. I first saw physical therapy in September, but they didn’t want me to start therapy until after I was fully healed. Silly me, I waited until I was healed to make an appointment. Well guess what? I can’t get in until mid January. So, until then, I’m working on stretching at home. Who knows, I may not even need physical therapy in January!

Thanksgiving has passed. I hope everyone had a great day. It was a quiet one at the Kranking house, but in retrospect it was nice. It gave us a chance to decorate for Christmas. Jamie even pulled out his Snow Village. This is something he hasn’t put out in many many years! Mason was so excited. It took us about 3 days to get everything out, but our house is so festive now. We have 6 different Village scenes! Christmas music is blaring, and I’m actually in the mood to bake.

As far as my Cancer world goes, I’m still on my routine Mayo schedule. In fact, I was there today. I have a brain MRI coming in December, followed by a PET scan in January. I’ve been on such a trend with boring results, I can only hope for more of the same. You all know that I will keep you posted - the good, bad, and ugly!

I hope everyone is getting ready for this Holiday Season. It truly is a magical time of the year. Oh, and while Mason and I were decorating the tree, we re-lived many memories. Our ornaments are a reminder of many of places we have visited. We also chatted about all kinds of things, including years of Christmas past. He did let me know that his Elf, Chippy, was very lazy. And, that every year, Chippy only liked to move to a few spots, while his friends elves were very mischievous. Hmmmf! Well, I couldn’t argue on the lack of Chippy’s creativity, but hey - at least his elf visited him, right?!?!

Hang on to the Christmas magic! It truly is magical and very healing for the soul.

It is true, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At this rate, I must be pretty damn Herculean.

So, overall, my SECOND double mastectomy went well. I am well passed my initial reaction, horror, and sadness. In fact, it doesn’t look half bad. I’m getting used to it. What is NOT going well is my healing. This happened the first time around, so I do not know why I’m surprised. It has been 4 weeks since my surgery and I am frustrated.

Let’s talk about the incisions. I have 2 very long incisions across my chest. They do not meet in the middle, but each one goes under each arm and around to my back a few inches. When Jamie saw me without my bandage the first time, he turned white and clammy. He had to sit down. He was not expecting to see such long incisions on my body. But remember: Jamie is a great nurse, but he does hover on the squeamish side. Once he got used to the way it looks, the way I look - he is fine!

The incisions on the front of my chest are healing nicely. It is the pesky spots under both of my underarms that are causing me pain. Both incisions decided to separate and….well I will spare you the gross details. Maybe. The incision on the right side (non breast cancer side) is doing much better. It only has a small separation and hole. - a small wound. The incision on my left side, which is where the breast cancer resided, the lymph nodes were removed, and the skin was radiated, is NOT cooperating very well. That open wound is about 1 1/2 inches long, 1/2 inch wide, and a little deep. NEWS FLASH: There will be NO pictures of this, so don’t you worry.

To be expected, Mayo has been watching my wounds intently. You would think that they could just stitch me back up, but that is not how wound healing works. Wounds heal from the inside out. Any other option introduces serious risk of infection.

We spent time with zinc oxide on the wounds covered with pads. It did help a little, but the progress was not as was hoped. I was at Mayo yesterday with my surgeon and they decided to cauterize the wounds with Silver Nitrate. The cauterization part sounds worse than it is. They basically applied Silver Nitrate to the wounds, which chemically cauterized them. It also stung like a #!@*&%!! According to Woundsource.com, “Chemical cauterization through the use of silver nitrate can help accelerate the clotting process and achieve hemostasis on a variety of different wounds.” Hemostasis basically means to stop the blood flow.

I will have this process done on Wednesday and then again on Friday. They will evaluate the progress to determine if I need to continue this into next week. We are hoping the silver nitrate stops the wounds from enlarging (longer, wider, or deeper). I am rooting for the Silver Nitrate to work its magic.

The surgeon was brutally honest (which I love). These wounds could take weeks and weeks to finally heal. So, it means that I will keep them covered and survive on the old adage that “Time heals all wounds”. It must be true , we sure do hear it a lot!

And, I have to address my last post. What a downer it was. When I reread it, it certainly takes me back to that moment, but that moment did not last. I am mentally doing 1000x times better. Time has also helped me physically not look so concave. The original tightness of the wrapped bandage did not help with the initial aesthetic, but time has helped me become more flat - more normal looking.

I also have to give a big shout out to all who reached out with kind words, thoughts, cards, flowers, food, and most importantly LOVE. The intrinsic knowledge that I have a mountain of people in my corner is overwhelming. It is certainly the fuel that I live on to fight another day. I am blessed beyond measure.

I am looking forward to having healed incisions, because I want to wear clothes!! Not that I sit around naked all day, but I am in a recovery uniform that consists of comfy tee-shirts over a mastectomy wrap that holds my gauze pads in place. I’m ready to see what I look like in COLOR! It is coming. All good things come to those who wait, and I just have to wait for TIME to heal my wounds.

This is a departure from my “the sun is always shining somewhere” attitude.

I am allowed.

Two weeks ago, I was walking on air. My latest PET scan continued to be stable. I was finally in a place, mentally and physically, to take care of my breast disfigurement that has plagued me since my first mastectomy and subsequent breast surgeries. I was finally going to rid my body of the pain of necrosis in my chest and perhaps add a bit of dignity to my physique. Perhaps.

I am a Type A, No Holds Barred, No Crying in Baseball, You Get What You Get kinda gal. I’m so competitive that thoughts of anything other than winning or succeeding NEVER enter my mind. I refuse to feel weak. I refuse to let the opinions of others sway my resolve. I am strong.

When I found out I had breast cancer, it was a blow, but it didn’t knock me down - not permanently. When I found out my breast cancer metastasized to my brain, it was numbing and humbling, but it didn’t shake my resolve, it sharpened it. I was just faced with another speed bump in life that I had to navigate. I am navigating it.

During my “cancer diaries”, I lost my dear mother at the young age of 90. I lost my beloved sister-in-law to COVID. Neither can be replaced, nor can the hole in my heart ever be filled. But, I have gained more love and closeness from the 2 most important men in my life - Jamie and Mason.

I dutifully take my meds, see my doctors, receive scans and tests on a very routine basis. My mind and body is preparing for the next onslaught of cancer, preparing for the next fight. I am so ready you would think that I am preparing for the Olympics. (I must add - this is all mental preparedness, I couldn’t run a mile if you paid me).

The point is, I’m ready for anything. And then I’m not.

Last Tuesday I took the bold step to “go flat”. In medical terms, I had a double mastectomy (again) with aesthetic flat closure. Why again? My first mastectomy included attempted reconstruction by creating new breasts with tissue from my abdomen. It was an epic failure, at least on the breast cancer side. Due to many complications, which you can read about in my earlier blogs (if you are so inclined), I had multiple breast surgeries due to infections and non-healing. After chemo, radiation killed what remaining tissue was trying to survive. Net net, since 2020, I have been living a very lopsided and painful life.

My right breast had promise, but definitely needed revision surgery. My left breast was a mess. It felt like a hard brick 3 inches higher on my chest than my right breast. I will say, I got over the way I looked pretty quickly. I couldn’t wear a bra, so I became very comfortable in my own skin walking around with mismatched breasts. I didn’t care how I looked to the outside world. I really never thought about it.

I would have remained this way, but my left brick of a breast mound was full of necrosis (dead tissue). It was hard and painful. I couldn’t sleep on my left side. I couldn’t put any pressure on that side. I was waiting for the day that my docs felt that my cancer and body was stable enough for surgery to remove it. Surgery to go flat. They finally said, “go”. So I went. Last Tuesday.

The first few days were easy. I was wrapped up like a mummy, relaxing with my feet up and the pain pills were taking care of the pain. I was discouraged to discover that 4 drains were needed, and not 2. Originally, my surgeon thought 2 drains would suffice. As it turns out, there was a lot of damage that needed rectifying. In the true spirit of “Groundhog Day”, I have 4 drains, just like the first time. I am lucky that Jamie is one heck of a nurse and can manage drain care like no other.

On Friday, I could finally unwrap the ace bandages and take a gentle shower. It was also the first time I could lay eyes on my new body, the incisions, the aftermath. It was a shock. I cried like a baby. Jamie stood there and held me. He tried to soothe me and convince me that I looked “fine”. I know in the end Jamie is right, but I just needed a cry. I needed a hard, ugly, sobbing, cry. I continued crying in the shower. I cried when he tenderly dried me off in front of the mirror. I cried when he helped me get dressed. And then, I finally stopped. A pain med may have been involved. Mason would be home from school soon, and I could never let him see me like this.

So, as I sit here on Sunday and reflect, here is my new reality. The incisions are angry, but they will heal. The 4 drains are producing, which means I’m healing. I am not in pain. I’m slowly coming out of the fog of sadness and feeling sorry for myself.

I don’t want to be pitied, or have others feel sorry for me. I tell this to myself daily and know it to be true: “I may have problems, but there is ALWAYS someone else unluckier than me. My problems pale in comparison to others. I am fortunate and lucky. I am blessed.”

This mental fog will pass - it is passing. I just needed a moment. I needed this moment to memorialize it to the page, so that I could jettison these feelings.

Reality: I am not exactly flat. I’m concave. Unfortunately, to remove all of that necrosis, they had to go deeper than my mind pictured it. So, instead of being flat-chested, I may need to invest in some prosthetics that take me to Flat or an A cup, I may invest in some good padded bras. Nah! Who am I kidding? Instead of walking this earth with lopsided breasts, I will now walk it with indentions. I haven’t worn a bra in 3 years, why start now?

I am happy. I am hopeful. I am encouraged.

The sun is always shining somewhere.

I am empowered.

Hello Friends! It’s been a hot minute since I have posted. It’s been a busy summer and I wanted all my “proverbial” ducks in a row before I made any major announcements. For once, this is not about me - well it is tangentially, but not directly.

If you recall, Jamie decided to leave SAP mid-March. Thankfully and humbly, he had opportunities to stay at SAP, but his heart was leading him somewhere anew. After 30 years in technology, he decided to hang up his software shoes and delve into the Healthcare space. I’ll bet you didn’t see that coming?? I wonder where he got the inspiration? I’ll take the credit for that!

So, in April, Jamie hung out a shingle for his new business. The name of his new business is Care For Healthcare, LLC. You can find him on www.careforhealthcare.com. He also has a Facebook page for the business that is maturing as we speak.

In a nutshell, he is the Owner/Broker for his very own insurance business that helps people navigate the confusing world of Medicare Part A, Medicare Part B, Medicare Part C, Medicare Part D, Medigap Plan A, B, C, G, etc. etc. As you can see from the alphabet soup, it is a lot to absorb and understand. And, everyone turning 65 will be faced with this conundrum. No one is immune!

Jamie gets to take his love of helping people and directly impact their daily lives. His mission is to help clients with their initial medicare questions, and become their healthcare partner for life. He will help his clients year after year by reviewing their plans and ensuring they are getting the best coverage for their healthcare needs and budget. And guess what? His services are FREE to everyone.

How is that possible, you ask?? The insurance carriers have built-in fees to pay insurance brokers, so whether someone takes advantage of an expert like Jamie, or they try to go it alone, the premiums they pay are the same. Why risk signing up for a plan that is not the best one for you? If you don’t have an advocate like Jamie on your side, you have the job of researching and shopping multiple carriers, understanding their plans, rates, deductibles, and coverages. It is a lot. Instead, Jamie will do it for them! He will be their healthcare shopper! As a broker, he has the tools that allows him to easily compare plans and present the various options, removing the headache and doubt from his clients.

Why is Jamie doing this, you may ask? Well, since we have been faced with fighting my cancer, healthcare has been top of mind for us. We have been very lucky to have SAP’s insurance, however we knew that would eventually come to an end. In researching our options, Medicare was one we had to explore. In doing so, we realized that there is a tremendous opportunity to help others. Why not use our knowledge and experience?

Plus, Jamie has always loved the client relationships that he built at so many companies. He loves solving problems and helping people. This is a Win Win for him, personally and professionally. I am so very proud of him! He is also setting a great example for Mason, and Mason sees it.

On the medical front, I do have good news to share. My brain MRI came back clean. I am so very thankful that my chemo is working. I feel that Tukysa is a miracle drug. It passes the blood brain barrier and is keeping my brain clear of new tumors. I am so thankful.

My next echocardiogram and PET scan are coming up in a few weeks. If the PET is clear, I’m going to finally take care of my lopsided boobs and remove all of that necrosis (dead tissue) that has been there since my double mastectomy and failed reconstruction (2019/2020). As I tend to overshare, my left breast (which had cancer and lymph node involvement) feels like a cement brick. I haven’t been able to lay on my left side in three years.

I had always planned to have this surgery, but things like a brain tumor, craniotomy, COVID, DVT (blood clots), and emergency gallbladder surgery kept getting in the way. HA! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the PET will be clean. If so, my new breast surgeon will remove all of that dead tissue. News Flash: I’m going FLAT across the board. In hindsight, I should have done this with my double mastectomy, but hindsight is ALWAYS 20:20.

When I had my DMX (double mastectomy) and reconstruction, I will still under the impression that I had Stage 3 (curable) breast cancer. I was having vain visions of having a “nice rack” - I know - so crass of me! One can dream, right? As soon as Stage 4 (incurable) breast cancer was diagnosed, my breasts became meaningless to me. It was a great life lesson in vanity…..I digress.

August will be a big month for the Krankings. Mason begins 8th grade, Jamie’s business is taking off, and I may go under the knife one more time. I’ve been cut on so many times, I really should see if Mayo will start a frequent shopper card. You all know how I like to accumulate points (hotel, airline, etc).

Well this rambling is coming to an end. But to finish where I started, the Krankings are SUPER excited about Jamie’s new business venture. I know in my heart that Care For Healthcare will be a success and a personal godsend for Jamie. Oh, and if are so kind to send us a referral or two, we would be eternally grateful (insert shameless plug).

Oh! I’m so corny! Truth, I love corny. Today is the 27th anniversary of the day that I committed my life to my true love, Jamie Kranking. Gah! Corny! But, it is so true. (If you can stand it, listen to the song that I commissioned for him…..I know, but it was the best gift I ever gave him!)

I’m not sure how we find our “one and only”, but I found mine. I’m in amazement every day. How in the world did I find a man who loves me so? I’m so lucky and loved. I won’t belabor the thought, but I do love him…I love him hard. I love that he is the father of my greatest accomplishment in this world…Mason. I love that he is mine.

April! April is a great month. It is the birthday month of Mason, my mother Margaret, and some bad-ass friends that I love. This month has been rich in memories. When I reflect back on the last month, I can’t help but pinch myself. I must be dreaming. Blessed.

SCANS! My 5-letter word. I had my PET scan in early April. Miraculously, and I mean miraculously, I had a clean scan. I praise the Lord daily for my continued F-U against this insidious disease. I continue to take the chemo meds that fight the invasion, but I won’t lie. It can be hard. I am blessed with a glorious family and a tribe of women who make me feel “normal”. My next brain MRI is in June. I can only remain confident that my stubbornness and inability to concede will prevail!

Are you there God, it’s me Renee? Just kidding!! It is ironic that my beautiful mothers’ name was Margaret! I love, love, love Judy Blume. My first novel that I read was “Iggy’s House”. I was in 3rd grade and became hooked on reading. Judy Blume explained life to me. I won’t be graphic (maybe a little), but she taught me everything my mother refused to discuss!

I understood the trials and tribulations of a young Margaret Simon, but to actually learn about wet dreams in “Then Again, Maybe I Won’t”, oh my! No one talked about that! And, Deenie was the most beautiful person I could imagine, but when I read “Forever”, I was enchanted! I never knew Ralph was someone I should meet! If you know, you know! (IFYKYK: in internet lingo).

Squirrel: How did I just lose focus and fan girl on Judy Blume? I know…because she is brilliant? Yes, that must be it! I am lucky! Next week, I am going to see the movie adaptation of “Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret” with a group of amazing women.

I should be focusing on 27 years of wedded bliss! But, that is a lie! Marriage is hard, really hard. I am lucky that I have a partner that compromises. We start many discussions on opposite ends of the football field, but we always seem to be facing each other on the 50 yard line……..we meet in the middle when it counts.

I love him dearly. I am so blessed and thankful that he is by my side. We never dreamed our life would be ‘in waiting” scan by scan, but I couldn’t do it with anyone except Jamie…my one and only. I love him so…

The surgery itself left me with 5 very small incisions on my belly. It looks like I was in a knife fight, but I assure you, I won! I’m just adding this to my war chest of medical miracles. In speaking with my hubby and other friends, we all feel that women can withstand pain and recover much more quickly than men. I suppose this sentiment is appropriate to mention on International Women’s Day!

I do have an important announcement to make! I have been busy. I joined a new club. I am officially a member of the Boy Moms Broken Bones Club. Yep, you read it correctly. Mason had a “situation” yesterday playing basketball in PE, and it resulted in a broken arm. We all know football is a full-on contact support, but basketball? Oh my gravy!

We are thankful that his fracture does not require surgery. He is currently in a splint as we await the swelling to lessen. Then on Friday, we will take him to his Ortho for a more permanent cast. We think this will be a six week duration. We are hopeful. Mason feels great, but is bummed that he is going into Spring Break with a cast. It’s another rite of passage as he transitions from a 12-year old to a teenager. I’m sure I will write more about that as his birthday month is coming in April.

In cancer news, I met my new oncologist. I really like her a lot. She is an expert in breast cancer research. Her pedigree is quite impressive. I am lucky that I am able to fall under her care. My next PET is in April, so until then, there is not much to do except “keep on keeping on”.

Our family is also facing major changes regarding Jamie. The technology sector has been in the news quite a bit this year. Many companies are laying off employees and restructuring their companies. SAP wasn’t immune. Neither was Jamie.

Unfortunately, his job has been impacted. We heard those dreadful words, “You have 30 days to find a new job at SAP”. This news hit us hard. No, it really hit me hard. As a cancer patient, it’s not his salary or job that I care about, it’s the health insurance. I have been blessed with SAP’s health coverage throughout this cancer nightmare. The uncertainty of my healthcare is what weighs on me the most. As you can imagine, medical bills for cancer patients are astronomically high. I must add, our SAP internal friends have been phenomenal.

But, I know in my heart that we will be just fine. We will figure it out - together. Whatever path Jamie chooses to take, it will be the right one for us. Sticks and stones may break our bones, but the words will never hurt us. We will be just fine.

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Fast forward. Remember, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Mason was born when his mother and father were 40 and 45 years old. That would be me and Jamie. Oh, the irony. Jamie and I don’t feel like old parents. Technology has certainly helped bridge that gap. Although, Jamie has been mistaken for Mason’s grandfather at times, but we just chalk it up to his gray hair. For some reason, I find it funnier than Jamie.

As I continue to age, I feel like I’m turning into my mother. Not really, but then you can’t escape some of the similarities. My mother was plagued with health issues beginning in her late 40’s until she died. There were times when my brother, Rick and I seemed to be visiting her in the hospital a lot. She had a hysterectomy, a heart attack which resulted in a triple by-pass, two aortic aneurysms, multiple stents placed near her heart, and she had her gallbladder removed.

Well, I don’t share in her malady’s, as I have enough of my own. Or so I thought. That was true until this past Sunday, January 22, 2023.

It was a beautiful day on Sunday. Mason and I had returned from grocery shopping at Publix. As I was putting groceries away, I started feeling unwell. I needed to lie down. It was only 2pm, but I started to feel intense pain in my abdomen. At first, I thought it was something that I had eaten. Could gas pains be this intense? I spent the next four hours writhing in pain. I managed to vomit twice, but neither time offered relief to the pain I was feeling. As I was “dying” in the bedroom, Jamie was “dying” watching his beloved Buffalo Bills lose in the playoffs. I couldn’t even watch the game with him. Around 6:30pm, Jamie convinced me to go to the ER at Mayo. I was worried we were going for nothing. It was a school night. It was probably nothing. I was wrong.

After a CT scan and ultrasound, they confirmed that my gallbladder was angry - very angry. I had a gallstone stuck in a bile duct and a few more hanging out in my gallbladder waiting to wreak more havoc. Of course I did! I always say go big! Thankfully, the scans gave them a path to load me up on pain meds. Boy, did I want them. I’ve never felt pain that intense before. Never. Needless to say, they admitted me to Mayo. I didn’t get settled into my hospital room until 4AM. Not that anyone is ever “settled” in the hospital. It was a long night. It would be Monday morning before the surgeons, internists, GI docs, and oncologists could confer on my case.

As it turns out, I’m tricky. I suppose that is not shocking. Not only am I on daily blood thinners, I am also on daily chemo meds. Both of those should be stopped days, if not weeks, before surgery. To complicate my “case”, I have a mesh surgically placed over my abdomen. Remember in 2019 when I had my double mastectomy, they did a Pedicle Tram procedure for breast reconstruction. That mesh makes it a little messier for the surgeons to determine best entry points for their instruments. For example, I don’t have a belly button as an entry point. I mean I have a belly button, but it is fake, handmade by my plastic surgeon. I digress…

So we spent all day Monday waiting on the doctor’s decision. Now mind you, I am hooked up to IV drips, antibiotics are flowing, as well as pain meds. And, I’m on NPO orders, which means “nothing by mouth,” from the Latin nil per os. In Renee’s language, it means no food or drink until surgery - not even ice chips. My last food was at noon on Sunday, which I elegantly barfed up, twice. I know, I mentioned that already.

My last sip of water was at 7pm Sunday night before I entered the fateful ER. By Tuesday I was parched and starving. The silver lining is this new Mayo Diet may help me drop 5 pounds. One can hope. How much does a gallbladder weigh? Ha!

At times, there were a few procedures presented to handle my gallbladder situation. The gallbladder would have to come out, but when it would come out was the question. They were considering performing an Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography, or ERCP. It is a procedure to use an endoscopy to travel to the bile duct and remove the stone causing the pain. If they did that, they would still need to remove my gallbladder, as it is just a matter of time before the other stones in residence want to painfully exit that pesky organ. The doctors were considering doing the ERCP and having me come back a few weeks later for the gallbladder removal!!! Nope! I was having none of that.

Finally logic prevailed. Enough time passed without having blood thinners in my system and oncology relented. On Monday night, the surgical team confirmed they were going to perform gallbladder removal surgery, also known as a cholecystectomy. The surgery was scheduled for 2:30 PM on Tuesday. So, I had about 20 or more hours of continued NPO to endure. Bring on the pain meds!

The surgery was a roaring success. It took a little longer than expected, but the docs had to figure out the mesh situation. After they removed the gallbladder they flushed out my bile ducts. I know, TMI. I have five tiny incisions that should help with a speedy recovery. Thank goodness they could do this laparoscopically. I’ll be good as new in a few weeks. Unlike my mother, when she has this procedure done, they had to make a 6 inch incision in her abdomen. Needless to say, her recovery was a bit slower.

I couldn’t help but think of my mother this week. Our paths are transparent footsteps over the other. My dear mother went to Heaven in 2019 at the ripe old age of 90. I’ll take that. I can only hope to walk that far.

OH! In other important news, I had my Brain MRI last week. The scan was clear! Cancer meds continue to work. Next up is my PET scan. I just need to stay on the well-worn path already trodden by my mother.

December flew like a flash. It was filled with hard work, holiday fun, and a few medical visits. It’s hard to believe that December is gone, and we are rapidly approaching the middle of January. Time really does fly.

We had a very busy December. Jamie’s mom moved from North Carolina to Florida. She is now only 10 miles from us, which helps Jamie tremendously. Since she lives closer, Jamie is able to help her much more easily than before. Mason also gets to see his Grandma more frequently which is a blessing.

We also had our share of friends and family gatherings. One of our highlights was the Christmas Vacation Griswold Party. Our lovely friends and neighbors threw an all out bash that did not disappoint. Jamie couldn’t resist dressing up as Cousin Eddie. I took the easy path of dressing up as his niece, Audrey (Clark’s grumpy teenage daughter).

Christmas was very nice. My brother Rick, and his daughter, Meghan, came for a quick visit. Right after Christmas, we made our annual December visit to 30A. It was great to spend time with our close friends. They had just moved into a new house, so Jamie was happily helping them with hammering and nailing things that needed it. Sadly, it was a quick trip and we didn’t get to see many of our other dear friends. We promise to come again and stay longer next time!

On the medical front, I did manage to have an Endoscopy in early December. Between that and the new (additional) meds that I am now taking, I have noticed a big improvement in my swallowing issues. The GI Doc put me on a strong prescription dosage of Pepcid, that I now get to take from here on out. After the Endoscopy, where they biopsied and stretched it, they decided to add Nexium to the mix. Because of the drug interaction with Xeloda, I only take it on the opposite weeks of Xeloda. They will want to see me again in 2 months and probably order another Endoscopy to compare results. There wasn’t anything worrisome, other than scarring and aggravation. Hopefully these two new meds will do the trick.

I also had my regularly scheduled Echocardiogram. If you remember, I have to have it every 3 months to ensure that my chemo meds are not adversely affecting my heart. Heart damage is a side effect, but I am lucky that my heart is doing well.

The next big scan for me is coming up this month. It is my brain MRI. It is always a scary scan for me. The scan itself has almost become routine. I’m so used to it. My biggest decision on scan day is what playlist to listen to in order to drown out that loud beeping machine. The scary part is the scanxiety! I’m lucky that my brain MRI’s have come back clean, but I’m always waiting on that “proverbial” shoe to drop.

We know that with metastatic breast cancer (stage IV), it is only a matter of time before the evil cancer cells out wits the cancer meds. So with each major scan, whether it is my brain MRI or my PET scan, we are anxious for the results. I will post the news as soon as we have it - you can count on it.

December also brought some sad news. A colleague of mine passed away from cancer. I have to admit, it was very tough. I knew he was sick, but I wasn’t aware that it was so iminent. He was a few years younger than me and had more energy and drive than most. It was hard to think of him being sick. Well, a few weeks ago, I was perusing LinkedIn and came across his post. Reading his post was a gut punch. It was awesome and terrifying at the same time. Here was a man who was on his literal death bed, but he found the conviction in his heart to write this public goodbye. I admire his strength. He died a few days after posting this:

“For those of you who may not know, I have been battling cancer for the last few years and have finally lost the battle. As I sit here and reflect over my career and my life I realize how fortunate I am to have known and worked with all of you. I have learned so much from so many of you and have never taken for granted your trust and confidence in me. So many of you were much more than colleagues and customers – you were true friends. This made work seem not like work but more like fun. I am grateful beyond words for the time we had together and wish all of you the success and happiness in life that you all deserve.”

I only hope I can be so eloquent in the end. Rest in peace Benny Wang.

Friends, time is our greatest luxury. It is our greatest asset. As we fly through 2023, let’s stay in the moment and cherish our time, cherish our friends, and cherish our family. Time really does fly.

I do have news. I just had my PET scan and the results were CLEAR! It was such a blessing to hear the news. I know one day that will change, but for now I am basking in the glory. I did receive some sad news. My oncologist is retiring. My second one! He was awesome. I am hopeful that my new oncologist will have the same bedside manner and demeanor. For someone that I see every 3 weeks, it is so important. Fingers crossed!

I also have been having some pretty severe GI issues. I’ve written plenty about my exit point, but this time I’m talking about my entry point, i.e. my mouth! Or I should say throat….we’ll really my esophagus! For the past 6 months it has become increasingly difficult to swallow food. You would never know that based on my bathroom scale!!!

In all seriousness food is getting stuck - all the - time! It started with meat, but it is choosing to not discriminate. Almost anything that I eat is fair game, including water! Some times it is hard to swallow my meds. So, I finally succumbed and saw a GI specialist at Mayo. You guessed it, I have an Endoscopy scheduled for early December. I’m not worried….and the doc assured me that I would get the best sleep on the planet during the procedure. Many thanks to Propofol!

My next brain MRI is January, so until then we will focus on Christmas magic!

Planes! We did manage to take a quick weekend trip to Vermont. I only have one state left to complete the 50! Jamie is committed to make sure I visit all 50 states before I exit this beautiful planet! We also managed a weekend trip to Buffalo to visit Jamie’s dad. Go Bills! Mason was bummed it didn’t snow. I was relieved!

Automobiles! We are driving right now to the airport. I am typing this on my iPhone. I apologize for the erratic prose, but I don’t have the ease of editing that I normally do. So, I’m letting it fly. Fly! Planes! We are driving to Orlando….not to go to the parks, but to MCO (Orlando Airport). We are headed to Italy for the week!!! Bucket list - to take Mason to as many wonderful places that I can! We are all so excited!

Trains! When we land in Rome, we are taking the Bullet train to Florence for a few days. I can’t wait to show Mason this beautiful country! And the food….oh my!!!

Life has been pretty routine and boring, but it also is affording me time to cross off my bucket list, spend amazing time with my loves, and enjoy my life while I can! I am Blessed!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! I promise to post an update on our Italian vacation! Oh, and I am praying to keep my bottom GI area in check! Bring on the Immodium! I know, I know! TMI!

Ciao!

XOXO

Mason is back in school. He is officially a 7th grader bringing home plenty of homework. Our days are shifting back into the school routine of checking homework, making sure dinner is early enough, so that Mason can get a good night’s’ sleep. His days begin early, waking up at 5:45. He has to be at the bus stop by 6:50. One would think he would sleep in and hustle in the morning, but he moves like a turtle in the morning. That trait, he got from me, not his Daddy!

The summer has been a busy one for us. We traveled, Mason was busy with Boy Scouts, we had friends from near and far visit and stay with us, and Mason began MMA (mixed martial arts) training. And, I had my Mayo visits, including my scans.

I was going to address these in the order written, but I thought that may be a little too dramatic, even for me! So, I will go in reverse order.

Mayo Visits

My Mayo visits are routine. Every three weeks they see my lovely face. But, every few months, I get additional attention with MRI scans, PET scans, and echocardiograms. July was that month. I am happy to report that my scans continue to be clean. We are beyond thankful. The chemo medicine that I take is definitely working. The side effects are severe, but clearly worth it! We will stay the course until this treatment plan fails and we have to change treatment. That is the life of having Stage 4 cancer. There is always a treatment plan, until all fails. For now, we continue to be blessed. I do not have the words to adequately share how thankful and joyous that I am.

Mixed Martial Arts

I didn’t really know what this was until recently. Honestly, I never thought about it. We knew we wanted Mason in other activities. Boy Scouts are great, but he needed more. We tried Jujutsu, but the large classroom size and the wide range of ages was not appealing to Mason. Through friends, we discovered an MMA trainer who gives one-on-one training. It is going very well! Mason is learning self-defense techniques, but more importantly, he is gaining confidence. So far, it has been a winning experience!

Spending Time with Friends

We were lucky to have 2 sets of friends visit three different times! They came with their families and it truly was like being away on vacation. We spent many hours sitting by the pool or at the beach. We ate good food, drank great wine, and had awesome conversations. Many nights ended in spirited games of Mexican Train! We were happy to see their faces, but sad when they left.

I also have a wonderful group of ladies in my neighborhood that I call friends. We always have fun when we get together.

My Boy Scout named Mason

Mason is excelling in Boy Scouts. He has achieved his Star ranking, which is only 2 positions away from working on his Eagle Scout designation. Once he completes Star (there is a time commitment), he moves on to Life, and then Eagle. It won’t be long before I am posting pictures of my Eagle Scout! He continuously works on his Merit Badges. He has earned 50+ so far, which is quite an accomplishment. During the summer, he and his Daddy go camping for a week with the Scouts. They went in June.

In my opinion, it was awful. It was hot, buggy, rainy, they slept in tents, ate awful food, took very few showers - if any, slept on the ground. Awful! They loved it! This is why I’m a Scout mom from afar, I could never camp. Not like that. Well, never like that.

And, We Traveled

On my last post, I mentioned tackling my bucket list while I still could. Travel is a big part of that list, but it is also the most unkind to my body. We have to be conscience on the days we travel based on my medication schedule and my Mayo visits. I have my “bad” medicine weeks every other week. It is much easier to travel when we go on my “light” chemo weeks. My side effects are more pronounced on those “bad” weeks.

We also have to get very ahead of my gastro issues, i.e. diarrhea. This happens every week, lucky me! I know I’m oversharing, but diarrhea plagues me daily. The amount and number of times it strikes is an unknown. Some days it could be easy, but other days, I could be in the bathroom 10-20 times throughout the day. I am thankful we have good plumbing!!

Because of this and my fatigue, we have to be very deliberate and thoughtful when planning trips, especially long plane rides. So, we took the leap and went to London for 8 days. It was one of the best family vacations we have experienced. It was Mason’s first trip abroad, and I wanted to be with him when he did it. We also took a 4 day itinerary and spaced it over the 8 days. This allowed for slow lazy mornings, afternoon naps, and plenty of rest. With that, we were able to experience a great deal of London. We actually arrived the weekend of the Queen’s Jubilee, so the city was in a very festive mood. We saw the sights, visited the Harry Potter studio, took the London Eye, experienced quite a few pubs, and saw Queen (the band with Adam Lambert) perform. It was a vacation that we won’t soon forget. It was a vacation that Mason will remember, which was the point. I want to permanently press memories of his Mommy in his brain. I don’t want him to ever forget me.

We also spent a weekend in Philadelphia for a a family wedding. The wedding was beautiful, we were able to see family from far away, and we took the time to show Mason around Philly. We visited Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin’s grave, and a few other sites (including a pilgrimage to SAP HQ’s). We also did a family taste test, putting Geno’s against Pat’s for the best Philly cheesesteak. We all agreed unanimously that Geno’s was best.

Pushing Through

Recapping the summer brought the memories back to me. As a family, we are focused on making each day count. There were many days when all I could do was rest in my ol’ trusty recliner, but the days that I felt good, we took advantage of it. And some days, I just had to push through. Believe me, there were days in London when I couldn’t take another step. Luckily, there was a bench to sit on or a pub to duck into for air conditioning and a little respite. One thing is for certain, if I live every day in my recliner, I will never get that Bucket List checked off. So, if I can share just one big takeaway, it is to figure out a way to Push Through!

Well, I decided I should update my LinkedIn profile. On any given day, I receive copious amounts of outreach from people that I don’t know. It could be from new professional connections, recruiters trying to sway me away from SAP, and aggressive sales people trying to sell me their services. In a nutshell, my LinkedIn presence needed updating. I knew a quick way to fall of their radar: I would announce my retirement.

A funny thing happened. First, I didn’t think about the thousands of professional connections that I have made over the last thirty years. Let’s face it, they are not typically friends that I interact with on a “social” basis. One can lose track of the thousands of people you have interacted with through work. I know I did.

Second, I didn’t think anything beyond innocently announcing that I was retiring from SAP. It is not exactly the platform that I would choose to say that I am retiring because of cancer.

For the last few days, I have received hundreds of well wishes, congratulations, and likes on my status. Many have said “congratulation, or “I’m jealous”, or that “you’ll be back”. This is all meant in the most heartfelt way. But it is odd. It almost feels phony. Should I tell these people?? Tell them that their is no place for jealousy because of the reason why I retired.

Don’t worry! I’m not. I’m not making any proclamations on LinkedIn. I have this very platform for that type of dialogue. But, there have been few people from years passed that simply did not know the health issues that have befallen me. My retirement befuddled them. My good looks and youth threw them off, LOL! So, I personally reached out via email to them. I feel good with that solution. My cancer is not a secret, but I don’t want it to define me.

Overall, it is strange to see peoples reactions. I can only hope that it will encourage them to take stock in their personal and professional lives. They may not be able to retire now due to personal reasons, but maybe this will give them a goal. At the very least, nudge them to put some planning in place, so that they are ready for anything life serves them. I know it wasn’t on our radar.

And believe me, if I could still work at Renee Kranking pre-cancer capacity, you’d better believe I would be there in all of its glory. Pre-cancer Renee does not exist anymore. It’s a fact. The new Renee Kranking is figuring it out. For me, it began with putting my family and health first.

Which brings me to a preview of my next post. Jamie and I are going to focus on my Bucket List. We all have them; I know each of you do. But, do we all try to earnestly check them off? We’ll see how I do.

And about my pesky health, the Eliquis blood thinner meds are working quite well for me! Yay! The Lovenox injections are behind me. Scans are in a few weeks, so I will post results when I have them.

Yesterday was Mason’s last day of 6th grade. He is now a rising 7th grader. I’m so thankful for him. He is growing like a weed!

For Throwback Thursday (even though today is Friday), I thought I would post an oldie but goodie. This is from Sapphire, SAP’s User Conference. I believe it was 2011. I had the pleasure of being on stage with our CEO at the time, Bill McDermott. It was a professional thrill.

Now, let me go find that bucket…

After 17 years, leaving a company is a very difficult thing to do. I am in the process of detangling my life from SAP. It has been so intertwined. I had to buy a new iPhone, iPad, and laptop. I have spent this week slowly moving personal files over to my new laptop and “setting” up my new life.

Stop working. Boy, it is odd to reconcile. I have worked all of my life. My first career began at the ripe old age of 12 with babysitting jobs. I spent my middle and high school years working summers at the YMCA as a camp counselor. I spent time in retail, working late hours after school and on weekends. Once I was out of high school, I worked full time and paid my way through college. I have always worked.

So, this is a foreign concept for me. But it is right. It is correct. It is time. I will always be thankful for my SAP family. It was sobering to write my “final” goodbye email to my colleagues, but I am glad that I got the chance!

As you may remember, I stepped away from SAP to focus on my health late last year. With the time away, it brought clarity to my life. Jamie and I have spent many hours discussing our life and our future. We have celebrated my good days and endured the bad. Even though there are good days, I cannot escape the fact that I have Stage IV cancer. There is no cure. There is only life left to live. I plan on living it!

It became clear to Jamie and I that it was time for me to make my retirement permanent. My focus will be on my family and my health. My focus is to be the best Mom possible for Mason.

Speaking of health, I do have a bit of news to share. My hematologist switched me from Lovenox (injections twice a day) to Eliquis (oral medication twice a day). I was so happy to hear the news - shoot, my thighs were happy! My bruising from the shots are already clearing up. I have more blood work on Friday to make sure my kidney’s are tolerating Eliquis. I am hopeful this regiment is here to stay! I have enough needles in my life, I won’t miss these.

My left leg (the one with the blood clot), was getting better. However, it has become swollen with the new meds. I’m hoping it is my body adjusting. Time will tell. My next scans (MRI and PET scan) are coming up soon. I will share those results with you then.

Life is marching on here. I don’t speak often of the side effects, but they are with me daily. We have become experts at managing them. We live in 3 week increments, centered around my Mayo visits. We are thankful every day that we live so close to this medical facility. It is a wonderous machine.

Oh, and I did just celebrate another trip around the sun. I have the dubious honor of celebrating my birthday very close to Mother’s Day. It was a great celebration with my two loves. Jamie spoiled me at lunch and Mason made me a beautiful Orchid from Lego. Finally, an orchid I cannot kill!!

I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful month of May and the promise of a relaxing Summer. It’s my favorite time of the year. The page is turning and a new chapter begins…

It is hard to believe that 26 years have passed since our wedding. We have experienced much laughter and heartache, but we did it together, side by side. We are also very lucky to have brought one special soul into this world, our dear son Mason.

I can’t imagine “doing” this life without Jamie. He is my rock, my constant supporter, cheerleader, and shoulder to cry on. As I sit and reflect on our life together, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

We have traveled the world together. Our treasure trove of memories is filled to the brim. As we face the uncertainty of tomorrow, we both know that tomorrow is not promised. That resonates to our very core. I know I’ve said it before, but it bears remembering daily.

We don’t know how many more anniversaries are in our future, but, boy, do we plan on making each one count. We consciously try to make each day count, and never lose sight of how very blessed we are. When Richard Carlson wrote, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”, he wasn’t kidding! Life is too short for nonsense!

Sigh, I didn’t mean for this post to become so sappy, but sappy is my mood today.

In health related news, I’m just trudging along. I am thankful each day that my chemo cocktail is kicking ass and taking names, excuse my French. Scans are upcoming, but not close enough for the scanxiety to start. I have some appointments coming up in the next few weeks, so may have some small updates. I’m hoping to move from twice daily injections to oral medication for my blood thinners. We shall see…

Mason is READY for 6th grade to be done. I must say that his level of homework tripled from 5th grade. It has been quite a year. I’m happy to report that his grades have been stellar. He just had a birthday and is a proud 12 year old. How did those years fly by so fast? Seriously.

He is also advancing in the ranks with Boy Scouts. He currently holds the rank of First Class, but should advance to Star very soon. For those not in touch with Boy Scout lingo, he has a few more ranks before he becomes an Eagle Scout. He is on his way. We are very proud of him and his dedication.

And back to our anniversary...that is where my musings started, after all. The three of us will celebrate our anniversary by having a nice dinner out. With all that has transpired the last few years, our anniversary celebrations center on our little family of three. Jamie and I will celebrate the love we have for each other and how that love gave us the greatest gift of all, Mason.

Until next time, my friends…

The last 2 months - yes it has been 2 months since I posted - has been fraught with a lot of emotion, frustration, worry, heartbreak, but also much happiness. I have enough content to span multiple entries, but I will try to focus on the highlights. No promises, as you know my penchant for oversharing!

Friends

We have been lucky to spend time with many friends over the last 2 months. We have had visitors come from far and near. It has been busy, but worth every second that we get to share our lives with those we love. I also have a network of very strong and vibrant ladies in my neighborhood. They provide a constant stream of love and support. I am so blessed.

Spring Break

Mason’s Spring Break was in March. I feel very fortunate that we were able to create a once in a lifetime memory with him. I am also thrilled that I felt well enough to participate and enjoy! If you are a Star Wars fan, then this is for you. We were lucky to “board” the Star Wars Galactic Star Cruiser for a 2 night voyage into space. It was an all immersive Disney experience that put Mason right into the middle of the action. He was fighting for the Resistance against the First Order. He received light saber training, bridge training, and even built his own heavy duty light saber. Our trip also included a stop on the planet Batuu, which allowed him to experience that planet, pilot the Millennium Falcon, and actually Rise with the Resistance.

Mason knows this was a once in a lifetime voyage, and he enjoyed every minute of it! Sigh, to be an 11 year-old boy with such an imagination. It’s hard to believe that his 12th birthday is coming up soon. We will not be able to top this.

[Disclaimer for non-Star Wars people: We really didn’t leave the galaxy. It is a Disney hotel that is so immersive, you really do feel as if you are in another world. Ohh….and the planet Batuu is the Star Wars section of Hollywood Studios.)

Insurance Drama

There is no good segue from Star Wars to Insurance, or if there is, my brain is incapable. As you know, one of the drugs in my chemo cocktail is Hylecta (Herceptin that is injected via a shot). This drug is given to me every 3 weeks at Mayo. I am thankful that I am able to take the shot versus an infusion. Alas, the insurance company “updated” their formulary list and it is no longer available to me.

Literally, 2 weeks before my injection, I received notification that the injection would not be covered. The insurance company recommended that I have surgery to receive a PORT1, and begin taking an infusion of a biosimilar drug. I repeat, the INSURANCE company recommended my care. As you can imagine, this was not welcoming news.

My oncologist at Mayo stepped up in a big way. He had a Peer to Peer discussion with a “doctor” from the insurance company. That meeting occurred on the Monday of my Wednesday appointment. The insurance company remained steadfast and did not change their decision. My doctor then did an expedited appeal. By the grace of God, they finally approved it. I was able to receive my injection on Wednesday as scheduled. Whew!

Those 2 weeks were nerve racking. It wasn’t just the thought of getting a PORT again, which I would like to avoid as long as possible. It was also changing up my chemo cocktail that is working! Even though the “new” drug is a biosimilar - it is only similar, not the same. It would bring on a new host of side effects.

I am very fortunate that my doctors at Mayo remained committed to my care. My employer, SAP, also stepped up and had many conversations with the insurance carrier on my behalf. I am forever thankful that my care is determined by my oncologist and not an insurance company.

Cancer is big business, and I mean big money business. I have a lot of opinions on this topic, but I will save it for another day.

In March, I also had another PET Scan. Thankfully, my results remain steady. My meds are working! My goal is to stay on this path for as long as I can!

Heartbreak

This is probably the main reason that I have been silent for so long. In January, two people that I personally know succumbed to cancer. They were both colleagues. One was a gentleman that I worked with on the same team many years ago. We are about the same age. He had brain cancer that took his life way too soon. He left behind his wife and kids. He was a kind soul and is gone way too soon. My heart breaks for his family.

The second was a beautiful wife and mother. She was much younger than me, with 3 small boys. She had breast cancer that metastasized to her liver and other organs. As recent as last October, I watched a video that she recorded for SAP about her journey and continued fight. She looked healthy, happy, and determined. She inspired me. She only lived for 3 more months. It was hard to hear the news. It’s so unfair.

These deaths are a sobering reminder of how insidious cancer is. Cancer does not discriminate. Cancer marches to its own time table. And, I am very lucky. I am still here.

Perspective

As I began this post, the last 2 months have brought much joy to me and my family. There is always the shadow of cancer looming behind our laughter. It is important to keep perspective, and not lose sight of what is important. Jamie and I made a commitment to make each day our best day. And, as long as I have good days, we are going to exploit them. As we all know too well, tomorrow is never promised to anyone.